Wonderfully Vanilla: Benny

Back in April when we lost our sweet dog, Wiley, I didn't know what to do…Wiley was supposed to be around for at least another 10 years (in my mind). Now what do I do? Am I ready for a puppy when I have a baby on the way? What if emotionally I'm not ready for another dog? Is Nate ready for another dog?

I knew in my heart I just couldn't not have a dog in my house. I work at a vet clinic for a JOB- obviously animals are a huge part of my life.

Nate & I weren't ready to make a decision, but we emailed Wiley's breeder just to let her know what happened with him. She was the. sweetest. We also saw that she had a few litters of maltipoos (same breed as Wiley) that were due to be born soon. Once we saw that there were litters born, we thought…well that'll give us 8 weeks to mentally & emotionally prepare for another dog. I felt like it was good timing, not getting a dog too soon after Wiley's passing, but also not waiting forever.

We felt if we got him in 8 weeks from then, we would have a little time (2-3 months) to get him used to our home, get him potty trained, etc. before Jacoby's arrival.

So we let her know we were interested but didn't know if all of her maltipoo puppies were on hold or not and she so wonderfully bumped us to the top of her waiting list & even gave us a "discount" on another puppy, solely because of what happened to Wiley. {Told ya: this lady is down right wonderful}. We felt it was a sign. So we told her that we wanted a pup that would end up being around Wiley's size…but that was maybe a little darker in color & maybe a little curlier (just so that he wouldn't end up looking JUST like Wiley). We were hoping that this new pup could live up to Wiley's standards. If you knew Wiley, you know how perfect of a dog he was for Nate & I.

So we put a down payment on a new puppy & she sent us pictures of him weekly. I remember getting excited every Monday just waiting for the email with an update on his size, personality & picture updates.

Nate & I planned to make the trek down to Atlanta, GA to meet the breeder & take home our new dog "Benny". Benny is named after the Chicago Bulls mascot {Benny the Bull}. We just might love the Bulls :)

We made the trip down to Nashville and stayed with some family for a few days and then went down to Atlanta and I remember the whole hour and a half before we got to Atlanta, I just cried and cried. Tears rolling down my cheeks. I surely did not know how hard it would be for me to get another dog. I was SO excited…I mean, who doesn't love puppies, right? But my heart would not let me forget about Wiley. I thought about when we went down to pick him up and the way my heart exploded with love when I saw Wiley for the first time. {I realize at this point in the story: some of you will surely think I'm crazy and yes I'm aware of this :) } I just felt like I was somehow betraying Wiley by "replacing" him. I thought I won't be able to love this dog the way I loved Wiley, so why try? Etc, etc.

Thankfully I have Nate in my life. So thankful for him. He just let me cry (good man right there…am i right?). I know it was hard on him too and I could see it on his face, but he said the things I definitely needed to hear. God did a ~~good~~ ~~great~~ incredible job matching him with me :)

We got to the place we were meeting, I got out & saw Benny's face and fell instantly in love. How could you not? :) We spent the next 10 hours on the drive home just getting to know our new pup. I could feel in my heart some reservations…it was so odd for me.

You see, it was easy with Wiley. I had wanted a dog for YEARS…& Wiley was my first dog and truly my first baby. I had no sadness in getting Wiley, it was solely excitement and love. I couldn't believe I finally had something I wanted for so long. I had literally dreamed of the day I could get my own dog. Seriously. {Yes, I'm still a crazy dog person-- always have been & always will be}.

With Benny it was different. I had such a love for him but also this feeling of "but he's not Wiley nor will he ever be".

Then I told myself that was no way to love Benny. I have never been a half-hearted lover. If you're mine, I love you & I love you hard- forever. I decided it wasn't going to be different with Benny. Benny deserved my full on love too. He was here to bring us happiness and help heal, but I had to give him that chance.

I can tell you that I still have breakdowns about missing Wiley, and whether or not that is weird to some is fine, but he will always have a special place in my heart.

Benny now has a special place too though. He has a very special place…because he has helped me heal from the tragedy of Wiley that I don't know if I could have ever healed from without him. Benny is so similar to Wiley is so many ways, and I adore that about him. It reminds me of one of my favorites in this world. Benny is loved so deeply, and not just because of the ways he reminds me of Wiley, but because of just the sweet dog that he is. He is his own personality and one that I have fallen for :) He's my 2nd baby.

I've been amazed at how wonderful of a puppy he is. Mind you, he's still only like 19 weeks…so as great as puppies are, they still are naughty. His naughtiness doesn't even phase me, because he brings me so much joy.

So thank you Benny, for coming into our lives at such a hard time. Thank you for loving me unconditionally {so natural for a dog and something I think humans can learn from them}, thank you for the ways you are similar to Wiley so I'll never forget him, and thank you for the healing you have brought us, just from simply being you.

You are so loved…and I can't wait for Jacoby, and hopefully more, to grow up with you as their "big brother".