{My Wiley Boy}

I apologize for the lack of blogging.  It has been the worst past week and a half of my life.  Many of you know that my sweet, beautiful, baby boy dog passed away on Friday, April 25th at only 4 years old.  I know that to some of you a dog is a dog, but to me…Wiley was my baby and my best friend.  Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't even know who I am without Wiley in my life.

I thought I would write out what happened, for both your knowledge and for my memory.  I will NEVER forget my Wiley.  He was my first dog, a dog I had dreamed of for so many years, and truly the best dog in the world. I'm still trying to figure out how to live life without him, so bare with me.  Here is the story, and I warn you, it is not short:

Wiley had been acting completely himself.  In fact, he went to the vet (where I work), the week of April 14th to get his vaccines and his yearly check-up, and he looked perfect!  He enjoyed Easter Sunday with our family, but was wiped after having so many people over & so much stimulation.  He rested Sunday night but was back to his normal self Monday (April 21st). On Monday evening, as Nate & I were headed to bed, Wiley wouldn't follow us upstairs to bed.  This was so unlike him.  I went downstairs and he was just sitting and staring out the front door.  I thought maybe he had to potty one more time, so I took him outside, but then he still wouldn't come upstairs.  So I carried him upstairs and put him on our bed.  He laid there as always, and cuddled with us while we laid in bed.  He normally lays on the bed and then jumps off when we turn out the lights to go to bed {I'm aware this makes him the best dog ever…}, but he stayed on the bed until the middle of the night where he vomited 3x.  Although he vomited, I didn't think much of it because he honestly vomited every so often if he ate too fast or something.  Once I woke up on Tuesday morning, I took him downstairs to go potty (as I do every morning), and then we came inside and he sat down by the couch, without even asking for a treat.  I was in shock- Wiley is EXTREMELY food motivated and would never not ask for a treat.  So I picked him up and asked him what was wrong.  Then I saw that his penis and his belly (where some of his fur sometimes got wet if when he urinated) was BRIGHT red.  I thought--oh my gosh, he's peering blood! I have to take him to the vet (once again, where I work…), so I called them & told them we would be bringing him in.  He was a little lethargic and so they did bloodwork.  After looking at the bloodwork, they realized Wiley had Hemolytic Anemia, which basically meant his body wasn't making enough red blood cells.  Dr. Boehman (the vet who mostly took care of Wiley throughout this whole story), told me that we would start him on a high dose of Prednisone to help his body fight off what was going on & then hopefully his body could fight & make enough red blood cells.

On Wednesday morning, Wiley had woken up, peed outside, taken a treat & drank water, so I went to work knowing I would check in on him at lunch. I got home for lunch and he was barely moving, SO lethargic, and wouldn't even take any food I offered him.  Not only that, but he also looked extremely pale, so I brought him back in to work.  We immediately ran some blood tests and his blood count was down even more, so much so that the Drs were actually surprised he was conscious and hadn't passed out yet.  Dr. Boehman said we needed to do a blood transfusion asap.  Dr. Bird got his dog, Griffin, from home to donate blood for Wiley.  Dr. Boehman, Nate & I were at the vet until about 10:30 pm while giving Wiley the blood transfusion.  Even after only about an hour of getting the blood, you could tell a difference in Wiley.  Nate walked in the room & he picked his head up, wagged his tail & was so alert & responsive.  It continued to get better.  Wednesday night when we were at home, he was still lethargic, but so much better than he was before.  I had so much hope that this would help Wiley's blood kick into gear.  I didn't work on Thursday, but took him in first thing in the morning to have them monitor his blood levels all day, and continue to give him fluids since he was still dehydrated.  I continued to get updates from the Drs and from some of the techs, saying that Wiley was a little perkier and that his blood levels were steady at the moment.  The problem was that it was still the blood transfusion effecting his levels, so it was just a waiting game to see how his body would react once Griffin's blood was out of his system.  I checked in on Wiley a few times throughout the day Thursday and picked him around 5:30.  Nate & I came home, and made dinner.  Wiley was laying in his bed in the kitchen, but he was so responsive to us and moved around a little in his bed.  We "face-timed" Nate's parents Thursday evening and when they would talk to him through the phone, his head would perk up, his tail would wag, and he would even cock his head- it was a glimpse of our normal Wiley boy!  Before we went to bed Wiley was drinking water on his own, sitting up on his own (although not for long periods of time), and he even gave both Nate & I kisses! I was feeling really good about the situation and felt like he was the best he had been since this all started.

We went to bed and about 45 minutes after we went to bed, Wiley started crying & whimpering.  This lasted all night long.  He would cry/whine & I would wake up (our mattress was on the floor so we could be close to him) to check on him, tell him mommy was right next to him, rub his ears (his favorite) and calm him down.  By the time I fell back asleep (prob 5-10 min), he would be awake crying again.  Every time I would get up, I would check his coloring to make sure he wasn't looking pale, and I was checking to see if he was responsive to me- which he was.  He would pick his head up & tilt his head to the side whenever I said "Wiley it's ok…mommy is right. I love you".

I had Nate watch him for the last hour in the morning so I could get a solid hour of sleep before heading into work with Wiley, but after about 10 minutes of watching him, Nate woke me up & said "Naomi, his breathing is freaking me out.  It's not normal."  So I woke up and it had totally changed in that 10 minutes.  His breathing was shallow and much more labored, and Wiley would cry with every single breath.  I couldn't tell whether he had more energy so he was crying (whereas before maybe he didn't have enough energy to even cry), or if something else was going on.  I got up, ready for work, and took Wiley in.  The Drs listened to him and said his lungs sounded clear but that they thought he was just in pain (possibly for ulcers in his stomach from the high dose of prednisone he was on).  Friday morning we gave Wiley fluids, and checked his blood levels regularly, along with checking his breathing & energy levels.  Throughout the day, his breathing stayed steady until about 2:30/2:45ish.  We checked his blood levels again and they had dropped (they had been dropping slowly throughout the day). This is basically the news that I was dreading to hear.  I knew that if his levels dropped, there wasn't much else we could do.  Wiley's breathing got worse at 2:45, and so we gave him some oxygen for about 10 minutes, but nothing in him changed- he just seemed more miserable.

Dr. Boehman came and got me and told me that it wasn't fair to Wiley anymore, he was in pain & his body just couldn't fight anymore. I remember just bawling in her arms and then I asked her "please just tell me that I've done absolutely everything I could have to save him", and she told me yes.  I thought I was going to pass out.  I immediately called Nate (3:00pm) to tell him to come say goodbye to Wiley.  Nate left immediately.  I went and got Wiley and went into an exam room, to say my goodbyes to Wiley.  I remember just holding him as he breathed so heavily and I just kept saying "Wiley I love you so much…mommy loves you. Mommy & daddy love you so much. You're ok, mommy is here.  I love you Wiley."  I felt like I couldn't tell him enough how much both Nate & I loved him.  After about 10 minutes of saying goodbye to Wiley, his breathing started to get much worse, where he was basically gasping for air.  I went to the door to tell ask Dr. Boehman what to do and she was right there.  I told her his breathing was SO bad and that I just needed him to be here till Nate could say goodbye.  She told me that we couldn't sedate him to relax him (there's no way his body could have handled that & he would have probably died from the sedation), but that she could try a shot that they use sometimes if a dog has been dead for an extremely short period of time.  She said it might give him enough of a jolt to help him until Nate got here.  I told her lets do it.  She walked to the back to get it and I sat down, and about 10 seconds later, as I was holding him in a blanket on my lap, bawling & telling him I loved him, I felt his whole body just kind of shake.  I looked down and blood had come out of his nose, all over his face, all over my arm, and some dripping on the floor.  I looked and saw he wasn't breathing.  Just then Dr. Boehman walked in and when she saw what happened, she just said Naomi, there's nothing we can do.  I called Nate to see where he was (still 10 minutes away) and to tell him that he wasn't going to say goodbye.  Worst phone call of my life.  I felt SO bad that Nate didn't get a chance to say goodbye.  I'm so thankful I was there, but that doesn't change that Nate didn't get his goodbye.  As I was on the phone with Nate (both of us bawling), I looked down and Dr. Boehman was listening for a heartbeat and she just looked at me and said "he's gone".  I told Nate and then told him to just get here safely, because I couldn't lose him too.  Dr. Boehman left the room and I just held Wiley in my arms, not even knowing what to say or think.  How in the world did my happy, sweet, perfect little 4 year old dog just die? On his own? Why did my Wiley boy have to get this extremely rare disease with an extremely low survival rate? I just didn't get it.  It was the worst week of my life, and although it does get better as days go by, the grieving process is one I am still going through.  I was in denial, but my entire body felt broken.  I've literally never felt so hurt in my life.  Wiley was never "a dog" to me.  He was and always will be my first baby.  He taught me unconditional love, and he taught me just how much of my heart he had.  There is a "Wiley-shaped" hole in my heart, that will forever be that way.  He is irreplaceable to me, and I know he is to Nate too.

I try my best to focus on the happy times we had with him, because it was all happy besides the last week of him fighting for his life. The past 4 years with Wiley were the best 4 years of my life, and a time I will always cherish. The bond I have with him may not make sense to many, but it was incredibly special.  I am forever grateful to the Lord for me giving me a dog who could steal my heart & have it forever.

To My Wiley Boy,

Thank you for being so much more than a dog.  You were the sweetest dog, always making anyone who didn't know you, love you- & love you quickly! You were always such a people dog, and I loved that about you.  I want you to know just how much of an impact you have had on my life.  You changed me, and for the better.  Don't forget the "trick" I taught you, when you get to Heaven & Jesus says, "Who loves me?", you gotta say "I do! I do!".  You have a big piece of my heart, and always will.  I miss your sweet smiles, your tail wagging so fast, and most of all- your kisses (the best kisses EVER!). I love you Wiley, forever & always.  ---Mommy